Robin

the other night i had a dream that a bomb went off in the middle of a town that we were working in. i had just gotten off of work and i knew that you were still there, so i highjacked a car and drove to find you. you told me that you loved me. after i woke up i turned over and wanted to tell you about it, but instead i let you sleep. i don't know what i was afraid of. what i do know is that the whole next day i wanted to tell you just that, but i didn't. i wish i had though.

this past week ryan was back in illinois and it was pretty fabulous. i took him home to meet the family- which was completely ridiculous. it was everything that i had imagined it to be, both good and bad. but they adored him. i met his grandma and hung out with his family for a while. it was nice to be able to hang out because he was so close as opposed to three hours away. i didn't even realize how nice that would be. but of course it was only for a week, and he is going back to iowa on sunday. part of me is still disappointed that he chose to stay in iowa for the summer, even though i should be used to it by now. well, it was nice while it lasted.

10 Bands or Artists you like, BEFORE you read any of the following questions.

1. The Format
2. Guster
3. The Fray
4. Dashboard Confessional
5. Death Cab For Cutie
6. Postal Service
7. Jason Reeves
8. Josh Kelley
9. James Morrison
10. Matchbox Twenty

What was the first song you ever heard by 6?
the district sleeps alone tonight, i think.

What is your favorite album of 8?
for the ride home-- but i really love almost honest.

What kind of impact has 1 left on your life?
a pretty big one. they have been the one i have seen in concert the most- each time being better than the last. they have a lot of songs that i place a lot of sentimental value on.

How many times have you seen 4 live?
twice.

What is your favorite song by 7?
reaching. by far my favorite.

Is there a song by 3 that makes you sad?
fall away or heaven forbid i think are the saddest for me.

What is your favorite lyric of 2?
they have a lot of really great songs in general, but i think what comes to mind when i think of their songs though would be, "if that's all you will be, you'll be a waste of time. you've dreamed a thousand dreams, none seem to stick in your mind."

What is your favorite song by 9?
you give me something.

When did you first get into 1?
junior year of high school.

How did you get into 3?
samantha and lyzanne invited me to a concert the first time they went to go and see them. i had only heard them on the radio a few times, and only listened to their CD like twice before the concert. i got there and had a great time and just loved their music. and i've been a fan ever since.

What is your favorite song by 4?
hands down. hands down. haha.

How many times have you seen 9 live?
aww never.

What is a good memory concerning 2?
driving out to bradley university to see them in concert. the sky was just so blue and the weather was really great. peanut butter and nutella sandwiches. it was such a good concert at a time when i think i needed it the most with the two people who would have enjoyed it more than anyone else.

Is there a song by 5 that makes you sad?
death of an interior decorator makes me sad, actually.

What is your favorite song of 1?
ahh. so hard. top five: oceans, if work permits, she doesn't get it, tie the rope, on your porch....the compromise. i'm so sorry- i can't choose one!!

How did you become a fan of 10?
my mom. she turned me on to a lot of music when i was a kid. hell, my first concert was the rolling stones. thanks mom!

i really just cannot believe that it is already the end of the year. it seems like they are all going by so fast now. i remember sitting around during the summer years ago being bored out of my mind, and my dad told me that one day i would wonder where all of the months went. every year is going by in the blink of an eye now, its pretty crazy.

as for me, things are changing. both good and bad. this last semester was really rough for me. i worked way more than i had intended and definitely paid for it. my grades were much worse than i had thought they would be, but since grades have been posted, i have changed my overly pessimistic tune about my future. after being removed from the education college, i thought that i would have to re-evaluate everything. maybe i would just be a history major? but what can i really do with just that?
i e-mailed every one of my professors basically begging for points, because i just could not afford something like this- both figuratively and literally. that was awkward. i never ask my professors for anything, nevertheless to change my grade. it made me feel really awful, ,but i didnt not deserve the grades i got. they did not reflect what i had done for those classes. one professor told me i would make up the one point that i needed to make the grade, the rest told me that i should have tried harder. and as much as i hate to agree with them, maybe i should have. my priorities were not in the right places this semester. anyway- my advisor basically told me to relax, and we would figure it out when the next semester started.

but. i have figured things out. with a really light load this next semester (only 12 hours), i will make up the classes over the summer, because they are being offered. and i have limited my work hours to the morning only, which already makes me feel better about everything. with all of that, i figure i can bring up my GPA and still be okay to graduate on time. sigh. good. go me. im feeling very optimistic.

so, with the new year looming, i am feeling better than usual. more optimistic. i feel... good about myself. i think that i can really do what i need to education-wise. and then there is also the fact that there is quite a bit of potential for this next year in terms of my romantic life-- i know. about time right? but yeah. with all of my friends backing me up with everything, i am really looking forward to what i can do in this next year.

bring it on 2008.

i remember years ago (and i cant believe that it really was YEARS ago) laying in a backyard just looking at the sky with some of the most influential people i have ever met. we just sat there next to a fire and looked up at the stars while making jokes with one another. there were many nights like that one. sometimes i wish that i could go back to that- back to when our biggest worry was if so-and-so would be upset about what we had said and if we could finish that three page paper. but then i realize that i dont really want that back. no one is the same now. and thats not a bad thing. but what i realize even more is that IM not the same anymore. for a long time i thought that i was stuck in a state of limbo- that everyone was moving forward in this race, and i couldnt seem to pass the first marker. but now i know differently. i just wasnt moving as fast, but i was moving.
sometimes i wish for the simpler times, but mostly i just wish for something big to happen now.

the sky is clear tonight and the stars are bright and i just want someone to cuddle with.